Your Lawyer Has Done a Wonderful Job. Here’s How to Screw it Up.

Ultimately, the sentence is always up to the Judge. Defense counsel will always ask for a lighter sentence while the State will ask for a higher one assuming the lawyers have not already negotiated a deal. Here’s what not to say when the Judge asks you if you have anything to say:

  • Then when I saw the murdered body, I ran outta the room like this (then run out of the courthouse).
  • You talk pretty tough for someone who wears a dress.
  • I don’t know why everyone else is mad with me. It was my dynamite that got blown up! Now all I have left is this one stick right here.
  • If I am found innocent, can I keep the money I stole?
  • You asked me who some of my heroes are? Well, there’s O.J. Simpson…
  • Can we hurry this up? I have a shipment coming in in 30 minutes.
  • I need a new lawyer. This one sucks.



Partially adapted from Clarence Darrow’s list with modifications.

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